How to Support an Older Person Who Is Grieving
Updated: Oct 3
Free information from OlderPeople.co.uk
This guide provides general information and practical suggestions for older adults coping with bereavement and emotional wellbeing. It is not a substitute for individual medical advice or emergency support.
When someone you care about has been bereaved, it's natural to want to help.
Many people worry they'll say the wrong thing. Others don't know whether to visit, telephone or simply give the person some space.
The truth is, you don't need perfect words. You don't need to fix their grief.
Simply knowing that someone cares can make an enormous difference.
For many older people, the most valuable support isn't dramatic or complicated.
It's gentle, practical and continues long after everyone else has gone back to their normal lives.
Don't be afraid to get in touch
Some people avoid a bereaved friend or relative because they're worried about upsetting them. In reality, silence can often feel more painful than saying the wrong thing.
A simple message is enough. You might say:
"I'm so sorry for your loss."
"I've been thinking about you."
"I'm here if you'd like some company."
You don't need to have all the answers.
Often, just showing that you haven't forgotten them is what matters most.
Use the person's name
Many bereaved people are comforted when others mention the person who died. It reassures them that their loved one hasn't been forgotten. You might say:
"I was thinking about John today."
"I remember how much Mary loved her garden."
Follow the bereaved person's lead. If they want to talk, listen. If they don't, don't force the conversation.
Sometimes simply sitting together quietly is enough.
Offer practical help
After a bereavement, even small jobs can feel overwhelming. Instead of saying,
"Let me know if you need anything," try offering something specific. For example:
"I'll pick up some shopping while I'm out."
"Would you like me to drive you to your appointment?"
"I can cut the grass this weekend."
"Shall I bring a meal round tomorrow?"
"Would it help if I stayed while you made those phone calls?"
Specific offers are much easier to accept than general ones.
Remember that support is needed after the funeral too
Many people receive plenty of visitors during the first few weeks after a death. Then life returns to normal for everyone else.
For the bereaved person, however, grief is often becoming more real. The house is quieter. The paperwork is finished. The routines have disappeared.
This is often when loneliness begins to grow.
A telephone call a few weeks later may mean far more than another sympathy card on the day of the funeral.
Respect their independence
Older people often want to remain as independent as possible. Even when they need help, they may not want someone taking over their life.
Before making decisions on their behalf, ask first. Avoid moving belongings, arranging finances or contacting organisations unless they've asked you to.
Support works best when it helps people remain in control of their own choices.
Listen more than you speak
Many of us feel we have to say something profound. Usually, we don't.
Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can offer.
Allow the person to cry.
Allow them to repeat the same stories.
Allow silences.
You don't have to fill every pause with advice.
Sometimes your quiet presence says far more than words ever could.
Avoid well-meant but unhelpful phrases
People often say things because they want to ease someone else's pain. Unfortunately, some common expressions can feel dismissive. Try to avoid saying things like:
"You need to move on."
"At least they had a long life."
"Everything happens for a reason."
"They wouldn't want you to be sad."
"Stay strong."
Although these comments are usually well intentioned, they may leave the bereaved person feeling misunderstood.
Simple kindness and careful listening are usually much more comforting.
Keep an eye on practical wellbeing
Grief can affect much more than emotions. You may notice that someone is:
eating very little;
forgetting medication;
neglecting household tasks;
becoming isolated;
struggling with paperwork or bills;
finding everyday life increasingly difficult.
Rather than taking over, gently ask if they'd like some help. Small practical support can make a big difference.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone through grief can be emotionally demanding. This is especially true if you're grieving yourself.
Remember that you don't have to carry everything alone. Share responsibilities with family or friends where possible. Take breaks. Talk to someone you trust if you're finding things difficult.
Looking after yourself allows you to continue supporting someone else.
When should extra help be encouraged?
If the person is becoming unable to manage everyday life, their physical health is deteriorating, or they're expressing thoughts about harming themselves or feeling unable to stay safe, encourage them to contact their GP.
If there's an immediate risk to their safety, seek urgent help by calling 999 or taking them to the nearest Accident & Emergency (A&E) department.
Don't promise to keep serious concerns a secret. Their safety is always the priority.
Remember that simply being there matters
People often remember very little of what was said to them after a bereavement.
What they do remember is who stayed in touch. Who visited. Who telephoned. Who remembered birthdays and anniversaries. Who quietly stood beside them when life felt unbearable.
You don't have to remove someone's grief.
You simply have to remind them that they don't have to carry it alone.
Sources and further information
This guide provides general information and emotional support. It is not a substitute for medical, mental-health, legal or financial advice. The organisations listed have not reviewed or endorsed this guide.
Free Bereavement Guide
When Grief Feels Overwhelming: 10 Gentle First Steps for Later Life Bereavement
Free Download from www.olderpeople.co.uk/free-guide
Living With Loss: A Practical Guide to Bereavement in Later Life
Written by Jerry Livings
About OlderPeople.co.uk
OlderPeople.co.uk provides free, practical emotional wellbeing guidance for older people, families, friends and carers.
The information is written by Jerry Livings, a qualified UK counsellor and bereavement author.
Need urgent help?
This website and guide do not provide emergency or crisis support. If you or anyone else is at risk of serious harm:
Call Emergency Services immediately on 999 in the UK
Go to your nearest Accident and Emergency department.
Call Samaritans free on 116 123
Contact your GP
Document: How to Support an Older Person Who Is Grieving
Version 1.0 | July 2026 | OlderPeople.co.uk