Newly Bereaved: What to Do After Someone Dies
Updated: Oct 3
Free information from OlderPeople.co.uk
This guide provides general information and practical suggestions for older adults coping with bereavement and emotional wellbeing. It is not a substitute for individual medical advice or emergency support.
When someone close to you dies, life can suddenly feel as though it's been turned upside down.
You might feel shocked, numb, tearful, confused or even strangely calm.
You may find yourself making phone calls, arranging a funeral and dealing with paperwork before you've really taken in what's happened.
There isn't a right or wrong way to react.
Everyone experiences bereavement differently, and there's no timetable you have to follow.
For now, try not to think too far ahead. Just focus on getting through one step at a time.
Start with what matters today
In the first few days, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by everything that seems to need your attention.
You don't have to remember everything or cope with it all on your own.
If someone offers to help, try to accept it. They could make phone calls, write down important information, drive you to appointments or simply sit with you while you work out what needs doing next.
Many people find it helpful to keep a notebook nearby. Grief can make it difficult to concentrate, and it's perfectly normal to forget conversations or appointments during the early days.
Don't feel you have to know everything
If you've never dealt with a bereavement before, you might worry about getting things wrong.
You don't need to know every legal or practical step immediately. The process depends on where and how the person died, and there is official guidance available to help you through each stage.
Take things one decision at a time. Trying to solve everything in a single day will usually leave you feeling more exhausted than reassured.
Look after yourself, even if you don't feel like it
Many bereaved people lose their appetite, forget to drink enough or find they can't sleep properly. Although it may not seem important, your body still needs looking after. Try to:
drink something regularly;
eat small amounts, even if you don't feel hungry;
keep taking any prescribed medication unless a healthcare professional advises otherwise;
rest whenever you can.
Don't worry if your sleep is broken. Many people find that happens after a bereavement. It usually settles with time.
If friends or relatives remind you to eat, take medication or attend appointments, don't see it as a sign that you're not coping. You're living through one of life's most difficult experiences, and it's completely understandable to need extra support.
Let people help in practical ways
People often say, "Let me know if there's anything I can do."
The trouble is, when you're grieving, it's hard to think of what you need. Instead of saying "I'm fine," try giving people something specific to do. They might:
collect some shopping;
pick up a prescription;
answer the telephone;
prepare a meal;
drive you somewhere;
help with paperwork;
contact other relatives;
stay with you during an especially difficult evening.
You don't have to speak to everyone yourself. If repeating the same conversation feels exhausting, ask one trusted person to keep family and friends updated for you.
Try not to rush major decisions
Some decisions can't be avoided, but many can wait.
If possible, avoid making permanent decisions simply because everything feels unbearable at the moment.
Selling your home, moving house, giving away treasured possessions or making major financial decisions are often better left until the initial shock has eased.
There isn't a magic amount of time you should wait. The important thing is not to make life-changing decisions simply to escape today's pain.
Expect your feelings to change
Many people imagine grief follows a series of stages. In reality, it rarely works like that.
You might cry one moment and feel quite practical the next.
You may feel angry, guilty, relieved, anxious, lonely or emotionally numb.
Sometimes several of those feelings appear in the same day.
That's all part of grief.
Feeling calmer for a while doesn't mean you've stopped loving the person. Likewise, having a difficult day weeks or months later doesn't mean you're "going backwards."
Grief comes and goes in its own way.
Make the next hour your goal
Thinking about the months or years ahead can feel impossible. Instead, ask yourself a much smaller question: "What do I need to get through the next hour?" Perhaps you need:
a cup of tea;
something to eat;
a shower;
a short walk;
someone to sit with you;
a telephone call;
a little rest.
You don't have to solve the rest of your life today. Just getting through the next hour is enough.
Give your day a little structure
After someone dies, even ordinary routines can disappear. You may stay in bed longer, forget meals or lose track of the day altogether.
A few simple routines can make life feel slightly steadier. You might decide to:
get dressed each morning;
open the curtains;
eat some breakfast;
take your medication;
spend five minutes outside;
speak to one person every day.
These aren't big achievements. They're simply gentle ways of giving the day some shape while everything else feels uncertain.
Be patient with yourself
There may be days when you feel you've achieved almost nothing. But getting through a day of grief often takes far more energy than most people realise.
Don't judge yourself by what you would normally manage.
Right now, you're adapting to one of the biggest changes life can bring. That takes time.
When should you ask for more help?
Many people find that family and friends provide enough support during the early weeks. Sometimes, though, you may need more help.
Speak to your GP if:
you're finding it difficult to manage everyday life;
your physical health is getting worse;
your distress feels overwhelming for a long time;
you're becoming increasingly isolated or unable to cope.
If at any point you feel unable to keep yourself safe, or you think you might harm yourself or someone else, seek urgent help immediately. In the UK, call 999, go to your nearest Accident & Emergency department, or contact Samaritans on 116 123.
Sources and further information
This guide provides general information and emotional support. It is not a substitute for medical, mental-health, legal or financial advice. The organisations listed have not reviewed or endorsed this guide.
Free Bereavement Guide
When Grief Feels Overwhelming: 10 Gentle First Steps for Later Life Bereavement
Free Download from www.olderpeople.co.uk/free-guide
Living With Loss: A Practical Guide to Bereavement in Later Life
Written by Jerry Livings
About OlderPeople.co.uk
OlderPeople.co.uk provides free, practical emotional wellbeing guidance for older people, families, friends and carers.
The information is written by Jerry Livings, a qualified UK counsellor and bereavement author.
Need urgent help?
This website and guide do not provide emergency or crisis support. If you or anyone else is at risk of serious harm:
Call Emergency Services immediately on 999 in the UK
Go to your nearest Accident and Emergency department.
Call Samaritans free on 116 123
Contact your GP
Document: Newly Bereaved: What to Do After Someone Dies
Version 1.0 | July 2026 | OlderPeople.co.uk