How to Cope With Grief Day by Day
Updated: Oct 3
Free information from OlderPeople.co.uk
This guide provides general information and practical suggestions for older adults coping with bereavement and emotional wellbeing. It is not a substitute for individual medical advice or emergency support.
After someone dies, it's easy to feel overwhelmed by the future.
You may wonder how you're supposed to manage the coming weeks, months or even years without the person you've lost.
Those thoughts are completely understandable. The trouble is, looking too far ahead often makes grief feel even heavier.
Instead of asking yourself how you'll cope for the rest of your life, try asking a much smaller question:
"What do I need to get through today?"
Sometimes, on particularly difficult days, even that can feel too much. Then the question becomes:
"What do I need to get through the next hour?"
Grief becomes a little easier to carry when you break it down into smaller pieces.
Focus on the next small step
When you're grieving, everyday life can suddenly feel much harder than it used to.
Simple jobs such as making breakfast, answering the phone or opening the post may seem overwhelming.
That doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're grieving.
Rather than trying to do everything, choose just one small task. You might:
make yourself a cup of tea;
have something to eat;
get dressed;
open the curtains;
water the plants;
reply to one message;
take your medication.
Small steps may not seem very important, but they help bring a little structure back into the day.
Create one or two daily routines
Bereavement often turns familiar routines upside down.
You may stop eating regular meals, lose track of time or spend most of the day sitting without really noticing the hours passing.
You don't have to rebuild your whole routine overnight. Just choose one or two things you'll try to do each day. For example:
get dressed by mid-morning;
eat some breakfast;
go outside for five or ten minutes;
speak to one person;
prepare a simple evening meal.
These aren't targets to achieve perfectly. They're gentle anchors that can stop the day drifting away from you.
Break bigger jobs into smaller ones
When grief is exhausting, large tasks become almost impossible.
Instead of writing "sort out the house" on your list, make the task much smaller. You could:
open one letter;
wash a few dishes;
put one load of washing on;
tidy one shelf;
make one phone call.
Each small task is progress. You don't have to finish everything today.
Decide what really needs doing
Everything can feel urgent when you're overwhelmed. Often it isn't. It can help to divide jobs into three simple groups:
Needs doing today
These are things that genuinely can't wait, such as taking medication, attending appointments or dealing with something important.
Can wait
Many things feel urgent but really aren't.
Letters, paperwork or household jobs can often wait until another day.
Someone else could help
You don't have to do everything yourself.
Friends and family are often pleased to help if they know what you need.
They may be able to collect shopping, prepare a meal, drive you somewhere or help with paperwork.
Accepting help isn't a sign of weakness.
It's one way of looking after yourself while you're grieving.
Prepare for the hardest part of the day
Most bereaved people discover that one time of day feels more difficult than the others.
For some, it's waking up and remembering the person has died. For others, it's the evening, mealtimes or bedtime.
If you know a particular time is especially hard, try planning something gentle beforehand. You might:
arrange a phone call;
watch a favourite television programme;
listen to familiar music;
prepare your evening meal earlier;
go for a short walk;
keep a comforting photograph nearby;
go to bed a little earlier without worrying if sleep doesn't come straight away.
The aim isn't to stop yourself grieving. It's simply to make those difficult moments feel a little less overwhelming.
Remember that feelings change
Grief isn't the same every day.
You may feel reasonably settled in the morning and deeply upset by the afternoon.
You might laugh at something and then immediately wonder whether you should have.
Many people feel guilty when they notice themselves enjoying something. You don't need to.
Smiling, laughing or having a good day doesn't mean you've forgotten the person you loved. It simply means you're still human.
Grief and happiness can exist side by side.
Stay connected in a way that feels right
Some people want company every day. Others need quiet time on their own.
There's no right or wrong amount of contact. The important thing is not to become completely isolated.
If talking feels too difficult, you might simply send a message or ask someone to sit with you for a while.
Sometimes being with another person without needing to fill the silence can be comforting.
You can also tell people what would help. For example:
"I don't really feel like talking today, but I'd appreciate some company."
Or:
"Could you give me a call tomorrow evening?"
People often want to help but don't know how.
Being specific makes it easier for everyone.
Look after your physical health
Grief affects your body as well as your emotions. You may feel exhausted even if you've done very little. Try to:
eat little and often if you don't feel hungry;
drink enough fluids;
keep taking prescribed medication;
move about gently if you're able;
rest when you need to.
If you're worried about your sleep, medication or physical health, speak to your GP or pharmacist.
It's also worth remembering that alcohol may seem to numb painful feelings for a while, but it often makes sleep, anxiety and low mood worse later on.
Notice what helps
At the end of the day, ask yourself one simple question:
"What made today just a little easier?"
Perhaps it was:
a neighbour calling in;
a warm drink;
sitting in the garden;
listening to music;
completing one small job;
talking about the person you lost.
Those small moments matter. Over time, they become the building blocks of your own way of coping.
Don't expect every day to be better
Many people think recovery should happen in a straight line. It rarely does.
Some days will feel lighter. Others may feel just as painful as the early days.
Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas and unexpected reminders can all bring grief back very powerfully.
That doesn't mean you've gone backwards. It's simply part of learning to live with loss.
When should you ask for more help?
If you're finding it increasingly difficult to manage everyday life, your physical health is getting worse or your distress feels overwhelming for a long time, speak to your GP.
You don't have to wait until you reach breaking point before asking for support.
If you ever feel unable to keep yourself safe, or you think you might harm yourself or someone else, seek urgent help immediately. In the UK, call 999, go to your nearest Accident & Emergency department, or contact Samaritans on 116 123.
Sources and further information
This guide provides general information and emotional support. It is not a substitute for medical, mental-health, legal or financial advice. The organisations listed have not reviewed or endorsed this guide.
Free Bereavement Guide
When Grief Feels Overwhelming: 10 Gentle First Steps for Later Life Bereavement
Free Download from www.olderpeople.co.uk/free-guide
Living With Loss: A Practical Guide to Bereavement in Later Life
Written by Jerry Livings
About OlderPeople.co.uk
OlderPeople.co.uk provides free, practical emotional wellbeing guidance for older people, families, friends and carers.
The information is written by Jerry Livings, a qualified UK counsellor and bereavement author.
Need urgent help?
This website and guide do not provide emergency or crisis support. If you or anyone else is at risk of serious harm:
Call Emergency Services immediately on 999 in the UK
Go to your nearest Accident and Emergency department.
Call Samaritans free on 116 123
Contact your GP
Document: How to Cope With Grief Day by Day
Version 1.0 | July 2026 | OlderPeople.co.uk