When Grief Feels Overwhelming

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Practical ideas for coping when loss feels too heavy to bear

There may be times when grief feels all-consuming — when sadness, anger, or emptiness take over and you can’t see how to move forward.

This experience is more common than people realise.

While grief can’t be rushed, there are ways to make each day a little more manageable.

• Acknowledge how hard this is

  • Losing someone you love can shake the foundations of your life. It’s normal to feel lost, frightened, or unsure how to go on. You don’t need to appear strong or composed. Allow yourself to admit that things are difficult right now.

• Let emotions have their place

  • Overwhelming grief can bring intense feelings — sobbing one moment, feeling numb the next. Try to let these emotions come and go rather than holding them back. Crying, talking, writing, or sitting quietly can all be ways of expressing pain safely.

• Keep breathing and slow things down

  • When distress rises, pause and focus on your breathing. Inhale slowly through your nose for four counts and exhale through your mouth for six. This simple rhythm helps the body settle and signals to the mind that you are safe in the present moment.

• Seek out steady support

  • Grief can feel unbearable when faced alone. Reach out to someone you trust — a friend, family member, or counsellor — even if it’s just to say, “I’m struggling today.” Talking about your feelings helps to release them and reminds you that others care.

• Simplify your days

  • When energy is low, concentrate on small essentials: drink water, eat something simple, and rest when possible. Focus on one thing at a time rather than trying to manage everything at once. Even brief moments of self-care make a difference.

• Avoid judging how you’re coping

  • You might worry that you’re grieving “too much” or “not enough.” Grief has no fixed timetable or right way to behave. Your response reflects the depth of your loss and the uniqueness of your relationship.

• Hold on to moments of calm

  • At times, you may notice fleeting moments when the pain softens — a breath of fresh air, a piece of music, or a small kindness from someone. Let these moments count; they are signs that your mind and body can still find rest, even briefly.

• Reflection questions

  • What helps me feel most supported when the pain feels too heavy?

  • Who can I reach out to, even for a short chat or message?

  • What small things help me get through the next few hours or the next day?

• If you feel unable to go on

  • If you have thoughts of not wanting to live, or if your distress feels unmanageable, seek help immediately. Contact your GP, call Samaritans (116 123), or reach out to someone you trust. You do not have to face this pain alone.

• You’re not alone

  • Grief can feel overwhelming, but it will not always feel this way. With time, care, and support, the intensity of pain usually eases, allowing space for memories, connection, and moments of peace once more.

If you’d like to explore how professional support can help with emotional wellbeing in later life, click to visit the Counselling for Older People page.